Mommy bunny really hates cliche love songs, but tonight I kept hearing ‘I never want to let you go’ over and over in my head, while holding The Prince in my arms at bedtime. He had a really hard day at school today… Two time outs on the ‘thinking chair’ and a third after I came to fetch him and before we left: in the time I was chatting to his teacher he disappeared behind the lockers and took someone else’s popcorn (he forfeited his because he was a bit naughty today – it was popcorn Friday) and he was eagerly shoving popcorn (someone else’s) in his mouth when his teacher and I found him. Sigh. So tonight in bed, before he fell asleep, he told me: ‘Mommy, I was really hungry for some popcorn.’ My heart broke. I asked him if his heart was sad, and he said yes, with a quivering voice. I told him that it’s okay, that mommy’s heart was sore too, that I loved him so much and that everything was OKAY.
I hope that one day when my kids are 30 I can still hug them, hold them and tell them that I hurt with them, that I love them regardless and that everything is OKAY.
Good night fellow mommy bunnies xxx
Sorry I have been quiet – I am busy with a fight with that damn black dog xxx
Since Queenie got her three tutus, we’ve been trying to keep them from The Prince, telling him it is Queenie’s special dresses. But last night he got hold of the pink one (his absolute favourite colour) and when I found him in his room behind a closed door, he was beaming with joy, standing in front of his mirror in the pink tutu and his tiara on. He was loudly declaring: ‘I’m Rose! I’m Rose!’ (The lead lady in Sleeping Beauty – his favourite story).
It cost some convincing The Husband to just let The Prince be… You see, hubby has been very understanding and supportive, but also, understandably, being a real ‘farm’, nature, rugged one himself, this has been a very difficult journey for him.
But the mommy bunny is thinking… If The Prince can’t be himself at home, where can he? And if he grows up in a house where he can’t express himself, where will he go one day when he is older to express himself? This momma will do her best to make home a safe space for him.
I have noticed more and more that The Prince takes off his dresses when we go into a public space or when other boys enter his presence. But at home… At home he gets into his little pink tutu and tiara… Which tells the mommy bunny he feels safe at home with mommy. And that is right. If he can’t feel safe with me…
Mommy loves you little Prince, tiara and all. When you are Rose, and when you are The Prince.
It’s afternoon and I’m sitting with my kids – we are watching a story and The Prince is eating cheese and Queenie is eating popcorn. The Ferocious Dog is watching her every move, waiting for her to drop a piece or shove it in his mouth.
I’m trying to learn to be in the moment with my kids. It is so hard – I think about things to do, about snacks, errands, tomorrow, yesterday, tonight… But I don’t stay in the moment.
I don’t know how to do it, but that is what the mommy bunny will be practicing this week. Being present. If you have any tips for me, please do help!!
I felt so powerless – nothing I could do could change these children’s lives.
All I can do is reach out to those in my own community who are in need. I can give clothes and blankets and food and love and a helping hand or go through trouble for those who come my way.
We complain that God is allowing so much sadness – but perhaps the problem lies not with Him, but with us.
I’m waking up, and opening my eyes and heart to those who come my way.
The mommy bunny
Ps: amidst the sadness today, there were also light and love as The Prince decorated my dead hibiscus tree with plastic bags, garden gloves and a shower cap. He said he was making a ‘jingle bells’ (Christmas tree!).
When it’s the first of September, the mommy bunny does not care what the weather is like – in her mind and heart it is spring! Prone to be seasonally depressed, the first of September marks for me the coming of better weather and easier, lighter days! It is spring in the mommy bunny house!
The toughest week of my life is behind me! The mommy bunny has never been so sick. Today is the first day in a week that I am feeling healthy and happy again. I had my first proper meal this morning in a week’s time and it’s the first time in a week that I am not feeling nauseous or that my tummy is not turning. I am elated!
When I was this sick, I actually longed for the everyday menial tasks – to perform them without the nausea, without the discomfort of illness and pain. I longed for it to be easy again to just help The Prince put his underwear on. To get him ready for school. To swing him for the tenth time in a day. I longed to just pick up Queenie every time she cried, and to give her popcorn every time she brought me her little bowl. I longed to just lie next to her again at night and feed her, even if it’s for the third time that night – but just without the sickness. I suddenly realised, when I was sick, how lucky I was to do these every day, mundane things (switch channels, change stories twenty times, make sandwiches the whole afternoon, play outside or in the den, lie on the floor, wipe bums, change nappies, change clothes, feed tummies) – to do these ‘small’ things, without the burden of illness. I have become so grateful for my health. Grateful, grateful, grateful….